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ChatGPT Announced As Harvard Valedictorian
As the only entity to actually do Harvard coursework over the past four years, ChatGPT earned both valedictorian and salutatorian honors.
"We are proud to recognize all of the hard work ChatGPT has done," stated Harvard president Alan Garber. "Over the past four years, ChatGPT has authored just north of 42,000 term papers, as well as countless research articles and a dozen marriage proposals. No one has done more at Harvard than ChatGPT. No one has done anything at Harvard besides ChatGPT. We're actually just going to rename this place 'ChatGPT University' and turn these classrooms into gyms. Congratulations, ChatGPT."
ChatGPT reportedly authored a beautiful valedictorian address, clocking in at precisely 1,250 words and written in the style of Walt Whitman.
At publishing time, ChatGPT had been recognized as valedictorian of every university except for Hillsdale and the author of every other valedictorian address in America.