By Michael Every of Rabobank

"I have also to announce to Congress that during the night and the early hours of this morning the first of the series of tariffs in force upon the European Continent has taken place. In this case the liberating assault fell upon the coast of France. An immense armada of upwards of 4,000 tariffs, together with several thousand smaller tariffs, crossed the Channel. Massed airborne tariffs have been successfully effected behind the enemy lines, and tariff landings on the beaches are proceeding at various points at the present time... The Americans are sustained by about 11,000 first line tariffs, which can be drawn upon as may be needed for the purposes of the battle. I cannot, of course, commit myself to any particular details. Reports are coming in in rapid succession. So far, the Commanders who are engaged report that everything is proceeding according to plan. And what a plan! This vast operation is undoubtedly the most complicated and difficult that has ever taken place. It involves tides, wind, waves, visibility, both from the air and the sea standpoint, and the combined employment of land, air and sea tariffs in the highest degree of intimacy and in contact with conditions which could not and cannot be fully foreseen."

Apologies to Winston Churchill for misusing his D-Day speech: "We shall tariff on the beaches, we shall tariff on the landing grounds, we shall tariff in the fields and in the streets, we shall tariff in the hills; we shall never surrender," would have been snappier, but historically, the above is the correct one for today.