Recently, Pete Hegseth ordered mandatory testosterone testing of all military personnel over 30. Hegseth believes T levels correlate with "lethality" and the "warrior ethos."

Unfortunately, it's hard to measure masculinity. It's even harder to raise a son with these bullshit frat boy pressures.

But one snapshot moment gives us some insight.

At a White House event to revive the Presidential Fitness Test, Trump turned to an eight-year-old and asked, "You think you could take me in a fight?"

The creepy banter sent YouGov out to ask 2,609 Americans the same question— Do you think you could win in a physical fight with Donald Trump?

The survey results are a psychological profile in miniature.

71% of Democratic women said they would hand Trump his arse in a fight. Only 33% of Republican men said the same.

Two-thirds of Republican men are too weak to win a fight with a diapered, bloated, bruised, eighty-year-old man wearing enough makeup to spackle a drag queen's corpse. The guy who falls asleep in meetings, can't get into a golf cart without an airlift, and forgets what country he has bombed. That guy…that guy is stronger than Republican men.

How is Trump going to win? Sit on them? Release enough methane farts to suffocate?

Now, keep in mind that these are the same MAGAmuffins terrified of trans people, immigrants, Black people, liberal women, anti-fascists, communists (which is apparently now the entire democratic party), and their own shadow. It makes you wonder if all Hegseth's warrior smack talk and showboating are working? Cause it seems the entire Republican Party lives in a constant fear that their dicks will fall off if they come within 10 feet of a trans person.

This isn't new. Authoritarian movements have always dressed themselves as masculinity pageants. Mussolini displayed his bare torso as a political branding strategy. Putin rode horses shirtless. Trump keeps manufacturing heroic digital versions of himself lacquered in AI slop because he is too feeble to mount a horse.

The costume always comes first. The measuring comes next. And nobody ever measured harder than the people who wore bronze and called it virtue.

Yes, I am going there. We must begin in Sparta…