"This is an emergency, and we need the aid of the United States as soon as possible," said Secretary General Mark Rutte. "The U.S. could attack Greenland at any minute, and we have no ability to defend it unless we get some military aid from the U.S. immediately."

Europe had already begun building up Greenland's defences to 12 soldiers, 3 dog sled teams, and a fishing boat equipped with a harpoon, but experts expressed fear that it may not be enough to fend off America's military unless they get some help from America's military.

"Trump must fulfill his NATO commitment and send us American troops before American troops arrive," said EU leader Ursula von der Leyen. "If he doesn't, we'll call him racist."

"We know you wouldn't want that."

Trump was quick to respond, but suggested he would probably just send the "4th-rate loser weaking soldiers" and the "fatties."

At publishing time, NATO had further bolstered Greenland's defenses by sending a horde of muslim migrants.