The gorgeous Enes Kanter bravely announced her new identity as she applied for the WNBA draft, only for the evil forces of hate and intolerance to rise to the fore.

"It is heart-breaking that in the year 2026, there are still backwards, prejudiced leagues like the WNBA that refuse to accept a person's true identity," said sports commentator Bill Marks. "I am literally shaking with rage at the trans genocide being perpetrated by the WNBA and its leaders. They are simply looking at Enes Kanter and declaring 'you're not a woman', denying her lived reality and violently erasing her authentic self. When will the hate and exclusion end?"

LGBTQ rights groups have forcefully condemned the WNBA for its decision, blasting the league for openly discriminating against trans players. "I have not stopped crying for 78 hours straight," said activist Starlight MacIntosh. "The WNBA has actually murdered the precious identity of Enes Kanter. Why is everyone so afraid of this breathtaking trans woman? Clearly, these women are a bunch of second-rate athletes who are scared of real competition."

At publishing time, the WNBA had apologized for its initial reaction and called an emergency meeting to discuss what a woman is.