It seems impossible — or just too revolting — to keep up with the financial hanky-panky of California Gov. Gavin Newsom and First Partner (gag) Jennifer Siebel Newsom. But thanks to a couple of investigative reporters with stronger stomachs than I have, let's see if I can't put everything you need to know into one easily digestible column.

I love it when other people do my dirty work for me, so let's get started.

"Today, my wife & I joined Donald Trump's hit list," Newsom practically boasted on Monday.

"He has directed his Department of Justice to investigate us. They have not found a crime — they are simply trying to find one."

Well, let's see what Fox Business anchor Liz MacDonald and my old friend and Red State colleague Jen Van Laar have to say about that.

MacDonald said Tuesday that the DOJ probe "is about California Democrats' modern-day machine politics," which she described as a "feedback loop of Sacramento-corporate lobbyists-governor/wife nonprofit-behested nonprofit donations-lucrative state contracts-Sacramento."

Don't bother writing all this down — there won't be a quiz at the end of today's column. You're welcome.

"The modern Sacramento machine trades corporate compliance and nonprofit funding/donations for policy access and state business," MacDonald added, and then explained how that grift (allegedly!) worked for the Newsoms:

According to IRS Form 990 disclosures, her nonprofit frequently buys from Siebel Newsom's for-profit film company—Girls Club Entertainment LLC—writer, producer and director services and the licensing and production rights for her documentaries. Then it sells the docs to the state and public schools. 

 IRS records show that her nonprofit has paid her Girls Club Entertainment LLC roughly $1.64 million for these production and licensing rights since 2012, which includes a steady annual contracting fee of $150,000 since 2018.

TL;DR: Siebel Newsom produced unwatchable propaganda videos for children, for which Democrat-dominated schools then paid her handsomely. Or as MacDonald summed it up, "Over the past decade, Siebel Newsom has collected over $3.7 million in combined personal salary and LLC payouts funded by the nonprofit."

Then there are behested payments, which MacDonald explained are "a unique mechanism in California politics where an elected official asks a corporation, labor union, or wealthy individual to donate money to a specific charity, nonprofit, or government program." Unlike campaign donations, there are no caps.